A Shower in Copenhagen

When I was 12 years old, we moved up to the farm northeast of the little village of Caroline. Population was around 400 people, 221 dogs, 14,520 cats and numerous other animals. Caroline didn't impress me too much as a kid. For one, it was way to far from the farm to be of much use to me. But every once in a while we would all pile in the car to go into town. Mom and Dad had this '53 Ford Station Wagon that we drove up from Calgary before we moved up and also used for a short period of time up at the farm. This car was a typical old beater. The wheel walls were rusted through so that if you were on a gravel road you would choke, cough and sputter from the dust. And if you whined and made to much noise Dad would roll down the window and the dust would just peel off the road into the back where us kids were and cake us with so much dust that it would suck up all the moisture out of your eyes. Not only that, but the exhaust would be sucked up into the back and I am sure that we would die. Dad also had this horrible habit of chewing Copenhagen Snuff. Well, once in a while he would spit out the window. He would sort of hold his lips back over his teeth and squirt this shit out through the gap in his front teeth. If you ever have saw the Movie: 'The Outlaw Jose Wales' starring Clint Eastwood then you would know exactly what I was talking about. Near the beginning of the movie he has this dog (I think it was a Blue Heeler or akin to it) that kept following him. He would tell the dog to buggar off but it wouldn't. Then he would turn and hit it in the eye with a pressurized stream of repulsive tobacco juice and the dog would go yelping off (now it has been at least 15 years since I saw that movie and it might not quite be that way, but I do know that he spit some tobacco juice in the dog's eye when it wouldn't leave). Getting back to my Dad and him spitting out the window. There I was sitting in the back seat right behind him, and he is barrelling down the road with the window open and the dust pouring into the back, gagging us kids. Being an incredibly observant child, I realized that the window provided some source of relief from the dust and heat. SO, what did I do you ask? Well, I opened MY window. It was great! I could actually get some fresh air and breath!! Arlene saw this and she did the same thing. Now, in life, we are sometimes 'blindsided' with things that aren't anticipated by even the most intelligent and wise. Look at our World Economy as an example. There were an over abundance of truly intelligent people that the world had never seen before in its' history. They were everywhere, all you had to do was just ask them and they would tell you how smart they were. Sorry, I digress. So, I opened my window and was feeling the fresh air on my face and in my lungs. Dad had the tunes on to the Red Deer Country and Western Station or maybe it was CFAC in Calgary. It was 'Country' back then. Listening to the tunes (not particularly enjoying the music but I was feeling good) when Dad leaned out a little further out the window and let go with a dark brown stream of Copenhagen snoose juice! I think we were going at least 50 mph so that stream of snoose juice went out as far as the laws of Hydrodynamics would allow it until the force of the air streaming from the front of our 2000 pound rusted metal sedan overcame the force of the snoose juice projectile that had emanated from my Dad's gap in his front teeth. The Snoose juice then was dispersed evenly, (almost like it was atomized, similar to perfume from a perfume bottle) along the opposing and stronger force whereas it abruptly ended up on my most unsuspecting face, including my eyes, nose, lips, hair and neck!! I recoiled from the window with utter horror. The smell of the pungent tobacco mixed with saliva was the most utterly repulsive odour that I had had to endure in my short life. I was grossed to the extreme. Then the initial shock wore off, and the incredible burning sensation to my eyes and lips was overwhelming. I wiped furiously to remove the disgusting concoction from my being as quickly as I could. I learned many important life lessons from that one disgusting traumatizing event. Never take a leak into the wind. Never stand downwind from someone who has been eating pickled eggs or any other thing pickled for that matter. In later years I felt bad for that poor dog that Clint Eastwood had spit on.